Happy Birthday Old Ironsides. And “how I know you’re not from Boston”

First off, happy birthday 213th to the USS Constitution.  She is the oldest commissioned warship in the world and she’s docked right at the historic Charlestown Navy Yard in Boston.

Want to make sure everyone knows you’re not from around heah?  Commit one of the following mistakes:

  • Call it Beantown.  Beantown Pub aside, no one calls Boston “Beantown”.  You won’t find beans flowing in the streets like water.  I don’t get it.
  • Ask where “Glawchester” street is.  It’s spelled Gloucester and pronounced Glawstah.  Ask where “Cope-lee” station is.  It’s spelled Copley and pronounced Cawp-lee.
  • Stop and have your picture taken at Fanuel Hall.  For the love of Neely and Williams, there’s more to the city!
  • Wait in line at Mike’s Pastry.  Bova’s is molto meglio.  Not only is it better, but it’s open 24 hours!
  • Get off at the Fenway stop on the green line to get to Fenway Pahk.  That takes you to the Fenway, not Fenway.  Use the Kenmore stop.
  • Drive down Lansdowne after a Sox game.  Actually, people from around here do that.  So maybe it just makes you stupid, but not necessarily a tourist.
  • Ask where Massachusetts Avenue or Commonwealth Avenue are.  No one calls them that.  Mass Ave and Comm Ave.
  • True story:  Ask me, “Can you tell me where ‘old Boston’ is?  You know, with the cobblestones and stuff.”  I assume she meant Union Street.  At any rate we were by BU so I doubt she made it that far even with my directions.
  • You explore Boston on a Segway.

I hold these truths to be self evident.

  • Ted Williams is THE greatest hitter ever to play baseball.  Period.
  • Bobby Orr is THE greatest skater to lace them up and play hockey.
  • Larry Bird is… well, he’s the greatest white guy to play basketball.
  • “And it’s a ground ball, stabbed by Foulke.  He has it. He underhands it to first.  And the Boston Red Sox are the World Champions.  Can you believe it?”  Memorized.  Still gives me chills.

That’s enough from me!


~ by NJC on October 21, 2010.

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